The Loss Of A "Friendship"

Whenever I used to think of the loss of someone, I would equate it with missing someone who has passed away. Before yesterday, I never thought I would mourn the loss of a friend and a friendship that wasn’t really there. How do you mourn the loss of a living person? To lose someone that was a part of your life for so long and then they aren’t anymore is hard, whether they passed away or are no longer involved in your life. Knowing that they are somewhere in this world, but you will never really know how they are doing, isn’t something I prepared to deal with. Did she ever get around to watching season 4 of The Walking Dead? Did she ever go get that dress that she’s been eyeing? Or did she ever find the love she’s been searching for? I will probably never get the answers to those questions. I suppose it will be ok though. I know that what I chose to do was for the best. We haven’t been true friends for a long time now; I think we both knew that, but continued on for the sake of the “friendship”. Our type of friendship has been slowly dying out, and I couldn’t stand to suffer until the inevitable end, so I ended it now. We have been hanging out less and less, and our correspondence became more infrequent. Sure, we made efforts, but it just wasn’t the same anymore.

We aren’t the same girls we were back in high school. We don’t have the same goals in life. I am on the constant search to better myself and grow as a person, but she’s content in her life. I can’t be content anymore. I can’t be content in being a sometime friend, only there out of convenience and availability. I am more than that, and I deserve better. Emotionally and mentally drained, I mourn the loss of a friend. I mourn the loss of a friendship that I never really had. Healing takes time, and I know that I will be ok. I have the support and love from my other friends. I know that going our separate ways is good for us, and maybe someday down the line we can reconnect and be friends again. For now, I think I will allow myself a little retail therapy (don’t judge me) and maybe treat myself to red velvet cake ice cream when I get home. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.