My Name Is Jaxx, And I Am A Tree

“Nothing is holier; nothing is more exemplary than a beautiful, strong tree. When a tree is cut down and reveals its naked death-wound to the sun, one can read its whole history in the luminous, inscribed disk of its trunk: in the rings of its years, its scars, all the struggle, all the suffering, all the sickness, all the happiness and prosperity stand truly written, the narrow years and the luxurious years, the attacks withstood, the storms endured. And every young farm boy knows that the hardest and noblest wood has the narrowest rings, that high on the mountains and in continuing danger the most indestructible, the strongest, the ideal trees grow.” -Herman Hesse, a German-Swiss poet

If you could pick one thing in nature, what would you say that you are? Maybe an ocean because of its seemingly endless depths and unpredictability? Or maybe a mountain, because of its ruggedness and majestic nature? I was asked this answer through a friend of mine who was taking a silly magazine quiz. At first thought, I laughed it off saying I wouldn't know what part of nature I would be. After a few days passed, the question popped up in my mind. After taking an inordinate amount of time thinking about my response to this ridiculous quiz, I think I have found my answer. Just call me Grandmother Willow, because I am a tree. Unfortunately, my height is not on that list of reasons since I only clock in at 5’6, but what does make the list makes me think of trees, and me, in a new light.

Ever since I was a child, I loved to learn. Book in hand; I would spew off any type of knowledge that I had learned always preluding it with “did you know?” Over the years, my knowledge grew and my views on the world broadened. I see the world for what it is, what it was, and what it could be. I am realistic, as well as optimistic, in life. Through my love of learning, I have grown to be a person with an open mind and a gift of understanding.  I had advice to give to whoever asked for it, and a listening ear to those who needed to express themselves. Whatever they needed, I provided. Because of that ability, people gravitate toward me for their needs. Like a tree, I stand tall weathering all that comes at me, and continue to provide support and shade from the harshness of life. I love being a tree. It makes me feel needed, sought for, and gives me a sense of purpose. But what happens to a tree when people continue to take from it, never stopping once to see what the tree needs? It starts to breakdown, splinter, fall. A lot of people assume that because trees are so big and strong, they don’t need to help them with their needs. People assume, because I help and care for them, I am strong enough to care for myself.

Unlike a tree, I have a voice. I am able to say that I need to be cared for. Most of the time, I feel emotionally drained because of how many people need me, and ask for more than I can give. I should be able to express that right? Even though I have a voice, I don’t use it. What kind of tree would I be if I let the slightest of harsh winds cause me to bend? I might as well be tumbleweed. I have not broken, splintered, or fallen. I continue to stay strong and be there for who needs me most. There will be days when I want to stand alone and let others do for themselves, but at the end of the day, I am still a tree. I continue to be there to provide, should anyone need me. That’s just who I am. So, like a tree, I stay silent.  One day, my rings will be the wrinkles on my face. There will be laugh lines and worry lines. They will be my story. They will show that I have truly lived life. Maybe my answer wasn't what the quiz was looking for, but for now, it will have to do.

-Jaxx