Meeting Keith

I met a homeless man on Friday. I saw him before he even sought me out. Instantly, I judged him. He was dirty and had a slight limp. He was asking every person he passed on Church St. if they would buy him soup from one of the restaurants on the strip, and every single person said no. Some even crossed the road to avoid being asked. Even I, in my head made up my mind to say no before he even reached me. It was then I realized, that I in good conscience couldn't possibly say no. I pre-judged that man because he was homeless and dirty. I didn't even give him a chance. How could I possibly say no to someone in need? He wasn't asking for money. All he wanted was FOOD.
He finally made it to us now. He asked. I said yes. Instead of soup, we decided to walk together to the 7-eleven to get food there. I learned his name was Keith, but all his friends call him Speedy, probably out of irony lol. He was polite and thanked us over and over again for helping him. In the 7-eleven all he got was a can of tuna with crackers, chips and dip. Then he was on his merry way with more thank yous. $7 and a few minutes of my time is all that it cost me. I could have easily told him no that I couldn't help him. But, I know if I were in that position, all I'd want is for someone to take a chance on me. To take a chance and out of the kindness of their heart, help me. We all need to remember that, that homeless person begging for money/food....they are PEOPLE, before we turn our noses up to those we feel is beneath us. They are PEOPLE too, and WE are all HUMAN.

-Jaxx

My Rock, My Love, My Best Friend

This is my love, my rock, my best friend. I love and trust him more than I have ever trusted anyone. It's scary, yet so freeing to know that you love and trust someone so completely. That means you are handing over your body, heart, and soul. All your fears, vulnerability, hopes, dreams, goes to him. Its an amazing experience. We are each others rock, best friend, and personal cheer leader. We have gone through tough times and really took a beating, but we came out victorious. We aren't perfect, far from it actually. But we both know and understand that if we love each other enough, we don't give up when things get hard.

So what do you do when your love, your rock, your best friend, leaves for the military? You soldier on (pun intended). My boyfriend plans on enlisting into the United States Air Force (USAF)  very soon, and I'm slightly worried. I know he will do great and thrive in the military, just like the men in his family before him. He's prepared the best he can be for enlistment, but I am not. I feel like no amount of Google could possibly prepare me for months without him because of boot camp, and then a year during his deployment. Now don't get confused on the type woman that I am. I'm not a needy, clingy, annoying type of woman. I'm very much the opposite. Strong, independent, and damn stubborn. I know how to handle my own. I come from strong women who've taught me that. But, what they haven't taught me is how to be strong for my man while he is away. How do military spouses and families do it? How? I feel so completely at a loss and so ill prepared, that my perfectionist side of me is going crazy. 

This is a glimpse of my world. An attached-at-the-hip strong relationship being pulled apart for duty. A woman at a loss on how to be there for her love while he's answering his call to serve his country. I want to show that I support him every step of the way and still his rock even though we aren't together. I will soldier on though. I will be there every step of the way, even if its more of an awkward stumble, than a step. When the going gets tough, you push through it. Even though it would be so easy for me to run away and say "forget it", I know my duty as a woman. To support her man. Like my guy loves to tell me, its time to get out of my comfort zone. 

My Mask Unveiled

I've fought with myself since I've started this blog about letting people see who I am. The sense of animosity was fun and exciting at first,  because I felt more freedom with my writing. By no means, am I a professional writer. I'm a person who loves to write and express myself in different ways. I honestly was a little nervous to show who I am, because then people could see the face behind the words, and make judgments. But, after thinking long and hard, I decided to find my lady balls, and show who I am. I'm an average girl.  I've battled for years with my self confidence, and its still not 100%. But now, I love who I am. Life is a continuous journey, and it's only exciting if you stray from the beaten path and do something that you wouldn't normally do. So this is me, taking a chance,  and showing myself to the world, letting everyone know that I am Jaxx, hear me roar!! 


-Jaxx

 

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

There are billions of people on this earth. All of us are different. Tall, short, fat, thin, black, white, brown, purple, green, etc etc. You'd think that after years of fighting prejudices in every culture, we would have learned to accept people for who they are. I was raised to judge people for their actions, not the person they are. Some people are still stuck in their prejudicial ways, and it continues to baffle me.

This past weekend I was getting pictures taken with my boyfriend, when an elderly woman stopped and said "You're a beautiful woman, and I'm not a gay". "Not a gay". Wow. My first thought after I recovered from my shock of her statement was, "Who cares?". Who cares if she was gay? Who am I to judge her? I'm not God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha, or any other being of higher power. I am not a perfect person, so I have no right whatsoever to judge others for their preferences. No one on this earth does. It's 2013, and I continuously have to hear from my friends in the LGBT community about the harsh names they are called like freak, faggot, broken. That's not even half of them. So, because they like the same sex, they are considered a freak? Wrong. Their orientation does not define them. Their character, their morals, their ethics, is what defines them. Not the fact that Billy likes the P instead of the V. 

I've lost a friend to suicide, due to the ridicule and the bullying because he was gay. The bully's missed out seeing how great of a person Tyler was. He had a glowing personality. You couldn't help but smile and feel great when you were around him.  He loved to sing and play soccer, but the guys who taunted him everyday after school for being a "fag", didn't see that. Tyler was the type of person that never complained because he didn't like "bothering" people with his problems. He'd much rather make us smile. He kept his pain to himself. He hid away the tears, the self hatred, and the fear. All because he was something that he couldn't change. He couldn't change the fact that he was gay, no more than I could change the fact that I'm black. We are, who we are. His parents lost a son, his younger brother lost his big brother and role model, I lost a friend. 

To anyone who feels alone because you are tall, short, fat, thin, black, white, brown, purple, green, gay, or transgender, etc, don't feel like you don't have the right to live or be here on this earth. You have as much right to be happy as anyone else.Don't give anyone the power to break your self esteem. You may be gay, but you are not a "fag". You may stand out and be different, but that's ok. Dare to be different. Dare to stand out and let your freak flag fly. Be who you are. Love who you are. You are a powerful and strong individual. Live, love,and laugh without a care in the world, because you know who you are and love it. 

-Jaxx