Throwing Up Epiphanies: Alcohol Edition

I think during our time as young adults we make a lot of mistakes. Some mistakes we can all relate to, while some we feel alone. Over all, we all make mistakes, but it's how you bounce back that really counts.  Being 21 opens a lot of doors of opportunity in making mistakes, especially when it comes to alcohol.When you get to be 21, the law says you are at the age where you are responsible enough to make  decisions when it comes to drinking alcohol. The law says that, but are you really ready? 

Tonight, I made an irresponsible decision to drink for the wrong reasons. I've been feeling stressed over stuff that's been going on in my life, to where I felt like a glass of wine would be perfect to take the edge off. That one glass of wine easily turned into drinking 3/4 of a bottle. I'm not talking a "bottle for one" type bottle. I'm talking a bottle for a party type bottle. My alcohol intake has increased over the past few months, and my want for it has definitely been on the upswing. I used to hardly drink, but I have let the problems in my life consume me to where I felt the need to drink to make me feel better. So where does that put me now? That puts me in an alcoholic stupor, to where I don't remember half of what happened tonight and caused me to pass out. 

Waking up, all I could think was to make myself throw up to get rid of the alcohol. So now, I'm throwing up in my boyfriends bathroom, embarrassed, and hating myself. How could I let myself lose control like that? How could I let myself fall victim to relying on a  substance to make myself feel better?? That's not a responsible decision. That's not what adults do. I can't expect myself to be a role model to others if I let myself easily succumb to the contents of a bottle for temporary relief. Sure, I know a lot of you are thinking,  "So what? That's just one mistake." But, one mistake is all it takes. One mistake, and I can lose myself and all that I stand for. One mistake, and I can lose all of the people I love.  I can't allow that to happen. I can't allow myself to lose who I am. I just can't. 

So here's my bounce back: I quit. I quit drinking alcohol. I realize its way too easy to fall into that pit of destruction. I realize that I'm not ready to handle the responsibilities alcohol comes with. It's a scary situation to put myself into, and I never want to be like that again. I understand that it seems to be a rash decision after one bad experience, but I know in my heart that it's something that I need to do. I never want to have that feeling of craving a substance to make myself feel better. I don't want to "numb myself out" by turning to unhealthy vices. So I promise to who ever that is reading this, until I feel I am ready to handle the responsibilities of alcohol, I won't be drinking again. So bartender, pass me my Shirley Temple please and cheers to responsibility. 

-Jaxx

Priorities For The Poor

Growing up, I couldn't wait to be 20-something. I had dreams of living on my own, a nice car, and fancy material items. But then reality sucker punched me in the face. Health issues, lack of motivation, and the economy, really caused some major setbacks in my dream 20-something lifestyle. So here I am, a 20-something "adult" struggling to make something of her life, putting herself through college with bills to pay, and still trying to maintain a social life, while living at home; carless. Pretty sad really. I sympathize with bank robbers. If I lacked morals and had the lady balls, I'd be a bank robber too. The cost of living continues to rise and money is scarce. But unfortunately, I don't look good in orange or prison stripes, so bank robbery or any kind of thievery is out of the question. 

Lately, its been even more of a struggle, because it really hit me about the importance of wise money spending. I've made a lot of mistakes with overspending and impulse buying, only to really regret it later when I had only 5 dollars to survive the week. I spent money like it was going out of style, just so I can maintain the appearance that I actually had money. Ridiculous. I'm not a label whore, but you would never catch me buying store brand peanut butter if I knew there was Jif or Peter Pan on the shelf. But with my lovely adult life, if I can save .50 cents, I buy that store brand peanut butter with gusto. Why buy Jif when I know that knock off-I mean "store brand", tastes just as good? It's the little things that really make a difference. Cutting out things I know for a fact I don't need, or even sacrificing things that I can go without for a while, saves those nickels and dimes for something that I really need. 

Being a person who acted before thinking, this new frame of mind is....different. I know it's necessary if I don't want to be 30-something still living at home. Hard work pays off in the end. That's the cliche my mom always tells me. I think its just code for, "hurry up and move out". Well trust me mom, I'm working on it. Even if that means renting Redbox instead of going to the movies, or dollar menuing it instead of going to restaurants, so that one day I can have my dream lifestyle and be proud of myself of accomplishing something that once seemed so impossible. 

I've learned that everything in life comes at a cost. It just depends on what that thing is, and is it truly worth buying? My old self would be buying Betsey Johnson bags and jewelry without a care, but my new responsible self knows that its more important to have my business taken care of and money in my bank account. Who knows what could come up? Is it really that important to have the latest bag, or money for when you really need it? It's great to have nice things, I'm not saying it isn't. There just comes a time where you have to decide what's truly important in life. The appearance of having it together, or actually having it together. I choose to having it together. When someone sees me out and about, I want them to see a woman who's got it all figured out, not some poser living paycheck to paycheck. It's about that time I get my priorities in order. 

-Jaxx

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