My Mask Unveiled

I've fought with myself since I've started this blog about letting people see who I am. The sense of animosity was fun and exciting at first,  because I felt more freedom with my writing. By no means, am I a professional writer. I'm a person who loves to write and express myself in different ways. I honestly was a little nervous to show who I am, because then people could see the face behind the words, and make judgments. But, after thinking long and hard, I decided to find my lady balls, and show who I am. I'm an average girl.  I've battled for years with my self confidence, and its still not 100%. But now, I love who I am. Life is a continuous journey, and it's only exciting if you stray from the beaten path and do something that you wouldn't normally do. So this is me, taking a chance,  and showing myself to the world, letting everyone know that I am Jaxx, hear me roar!! 


-Jaxx

 

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

There are billions of people on this earth. All of us are different. Tall, short, fat, thin, black, white, brown, purple, green, etc etc. You'd think that after years of fighting prejudices in every culture, we would have learned to accept people for who they are. I was raised to judge people for their actions, not the person they are. Some people are still stuck in their prejudicial ways, and it continues to baffle me.

This past weekend I was getting pictures taken with my boyfriend, when an elderly woman stopped and said "You're a beautiful woman, and I'm not a gay". "Not a gay". Wow. My first thought after I recovered from my shock of her statement was, "Who cares?". Who cares if she was gay? Who am I to judge her? I'm not God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha, or any other being of higher power. I am not a perfect person, so I have no right whatsoever to judge others for their preferences. No one on this earth does. It's 2013, and I continuously have to hear from my friends in the LGBT community about the harsh names they are called like freak, faggot, broken. That's not even half of them. So, because they like the same sex, they are considered a freak? Wrong. Their orientation does not define them. Their character, their morals, their ethics, is what defines them. Not the fact that Billy likes the P instead of the V. 

I've lost a friend to suicide, due to the ridicule and the bullying because he was gay. The bully's missed out seeing how great of a person Tyler was. He had a glowing personality. You couldn't help but smile and feel great when you were around him.  He loved to sing and play soccer, but the guys who taunted him everyday after school for being a "fag", didn't see that. Tyler was the type of person that never complained because he didn't like "bothering" people with his problems. He'd much rather make us smile. He kept his pain to himself. He hid away the tears, the self hatred, and the fear. All because he was something that he couldn't change. He couldn't change the fact that he was gay, no more than I could change the fact that I'm black. We are, who we are. His parents lost a son, his younger brother lost his big brother and role model, I lost a friend. 

To anyone who feels alone because you are tall, short, fat, thin, black, white, brown, purple, green, gay, or transgender, etc, don't feel like you don't have the right to live or be here on this earth. You have as much right to be happy as anyone else.Don't give anyone the power to break your self esteem. You may be gay, but you are not a "fag". You may stand out and be different, but that's ok. Dare to be different. Dare to stand out and let your freak flag fly. Be who you are. Love who you are. You are a powerful and strong individual. Live, love,and laugh without a care in the world, because you know who you are and love it. 

-Jaxx

The Birds And The B's

Let's talk about the birds and the B's. No, not the sex talk. I'm talking about flipping the bird and the women in your life who are witches with a capital B. There's nothing I hate more than catty women. Always trying to cause drama and stress in other peoples life. If you're bored and need something to do, don't try to cause drama, go find a hobby. Crochet, underwater basket weaving, staring contests, something. I'm not going to pretend like I know why some women act the way they do. I'm not going to pretend that I care. It took a while to get to the train of thought that I'm at currently, but now I know how to handle situations with women who like to try to poison my life with negativity. Flip them the bird. Yeah that's right. Give them the international sign for "fuck you". Whether it's in your head, behind their back, or even directly in their face. Just do it. That's all you need to do. Anything else, and you're fueling the fire and working yourself up to get caught up in the drama. Who cares if it's not lady like? Being a bitch isn't lady like either, and yet there are women doing that on a constant basis.

I had this "friend" that liked to deal drama like its freaking UNO, and her hand were all draw 4's. Anyone involved with her gets screwed in the end, and not in a good way. I got burned so bad in one of her "games", that I truly was at a loss of what to do about the situation. I was mad for days, stress eating, and talking trash about her to anyone who would listen. It consumed my life until one day I just had enough. I got mad at myself for letting myself get caught up in the drama, so I told myself "Fuck it". The situation was petty, and I know I'm a better person than the way I was acting. I flipped the "friend" and the situation the bird and walked away.

There are so many better things you could be doing than letting someones negativity take over your life. Don't let those B's manipulate your mental health. You know where you stand in life, you know there are people who love, care, and support you no matter what. So that ONE B, doesn't and shouldn't matter. Flip her, the situation, and the negativity, the bird and keep it moving. I guarantee life will become so much better.


-Jaxx

What Are You Waiting For?

Just A Four Letter Word

The word "love" is funny. Almost everyone and their mother wants that four letter word. We search and search for it until we have it, and then we don't want to let it go. We lose ourselves in the feeling of having "love", I think we almost forget what to do with ourselves if we didn't have it. We romanticize love. Make it this grand and powerful thing, when really, it's just a four letter word. I hate the word "love". Too many people over use and abuse it to where I'm stuck contemplating what it really means. What does "love" really mean? I've asked so many people and no one can really give me a solid answer. They end up telling me the terms and conditions of what you do when you're "in love", but not the definition. But, like the rest I am after the elusive word. Always questioning, "Is this love? Is this what love feels like?" Maybe one day I will know. Maybe it'll just hit me one day, and it will all make sense after that. Maybe.

-Jaxx 

The Journey To Whatever This Is

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I think I've spent about 4 hours dancing around what exactly how I wanted to start. Introductions are lame and lets face it, who really wants to read my life story? No one, that's who. Unless I have my name in lights, I'm pretty sure that my bio isn't going to make the best sellers list. However, I do have things I think about, and often wonder if I'm the only one. So this blog isn't mostly about me. It's about expressing my thoughts about every day life and wondering if anyone else feels the same ......Now with that said, lets jump into this adventure feet first. 

-Jaxx